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The story of Kazz…
Why on earth would I spend a small fortune on a cat?
People think I am crazy, when they hear what I am currently going through for my 12 year old cat. Some almost seem angry over it with cries of “It’s a bloody animal put it out of it’s misery”. Well those people can eff themselves. I admit though there has to be a good reason to put so much into a non human companion animal and well there is.
Born December 1999 Sister to four other brothers and sisters and unwanted from birth. I had her sister Kaci and when I learned no one else wanted her and she was to go to the S.P.C.A I knew I could not let that happen. This was a choice that would in many ways improve my life for many years to come and hopefully now many more.
Not many people think much of cats, Aloof spiteful loners, not wanting of company unless they are wanting of something themselves, well whilst some cats may be like this, it is definitely not true of all. She is my special girl. Through good times and bad she has been there for me and come along on the road camping and beach trips even kayaking. When I was alone and sick at my worst she was there snuggling up to me in my worst times of pain and by my side as I couldn’t hold down a single thing. I only had to feel bad and think of crying for her to mysteriously show up jump on me and start purring.
Her purr is this deep down all body rumble that feels like it is going through hers and your very bones. It always made me feel better to know that when I felt most alone she was there giving me some love. It wasn’t just me though. She has met many people whom have come through my home and has snuggled up to every person whom has been in need in some way. She has touched quite a few hearts along the way.
When I had to move to Auckland I had no choice but to put my Girls and other furbabies into Kennels and with other people while I lived in a no pets apartment until I could find a pet friendly home. It took three months and I decided I needed a holiday before I moved in so I went to China. I have missed my fur babies badly while I was away and while I was looking for a home, each time I visited the kennels Kazz would come up to me and follow me around begging to be cuddled and loved while her sister looked disdainfully on. So when I got back from China and called in to see how they all were it truly broke my heart, I dropped the phone and burst into tears, it took all my strength to pick up and keep listening.
She had cancer. Only two days before hand the owners of the kennels had taken her to the vet to look at a sore weepy eye only to find she had a tumour in her mouth. The first vet I spoke to had told me it would be inoperable, I couldn’t take this, it sounded to awful to be true. My 12 year old girl that had been in perfect health (much better then any other cat her age) was now facing a very near death. I couldn’t take it. I decided to go back to the vets and get a second opinion. I spoke to a Lady called Christine at Takanini vets and she said whilst it was most likely the case she could put my mind at ease by sending me off to a specialist, the only one as it happens in Auckland.
I got an appointment and met Vet Alistair Coomer. He examined her and gave me some relief in saying that there could be a very good chance they could operate. I had all this information and statistics, But numbers were not going to help me. I handed her over for the day and wished and prayed to whomever is out there with all my might that she would be able to be operated on. The results only a couple of days later came back clear and she was booked the next day for surgery. I spent an entire day not knowing what to do with myself. Crying, pacing, staring at the wall and generally worrying like crazy all day and once again wishing with all my might that she would make it through.
This is where I learned how many people she had truly touched as the well wishes and well thoughts started to roll in from so many people whom I had no idea had a care in the world for her. I was touched. We were all praying and wishing and crossing fingers and just hoping like hell that she had the strength to make it through.
She is one of those cats that deserves to make it through, she would never hurt a fly, she could eat all day to her hearts desire but would happily let birds, mice, rats climb all over her, children play with her and walk around letting strangers meet her. She just had to be ok.
The moment she met the vets she also showed them why I was doing this for her. Even in the worst of pain she had the heart to show her love to others, snuggling and purring and showing her happiness for them. The vet could hardly believe she could do this even through all her suffering.
It was two days before I was allowed to come in and see her she had only just made it through the night before in an oxygen tent and heavily sedated, but as soon as I walked in she knew I was there and her ever indomitable spirit shone through. She turned over and wobbled slowly to her feet dragging herself to the edge of her oxygen tent. She was covered in stitches a tube in her neck and a I.V drip in her leg for pain relief she was half awake but she did her best to come to me. As soon as I touched her she tried her very best to purr, all that came was a small stutter but I knew it was there and I knew how happy she was to see me. The vet said she was amazing and just did so well to come through it all. As she started coming around a bit more she started doing her utmost to crawl her way out of her humidicrib and into my arms. I allowed her out for some cuddles, but each time I put her back she would turn over and struggle slowly to her feet again to try her best to climb out. I just felt like my soul had been touched. She was missing half her face barely able to breathe under heavy painkillers and sedation and all she wanted was to show me her love… reluctantly I left after an hour after vowing to her to return, she fell asleep on my arm and this is how I left her.
I returned the next day just hoping she had made it well enough through the night and I was more then surprised she was up and walking around her tent and even though still in pain she wobbled over to me touched faces and began to purr, her whole face was vibrating and her new flap of skin to cover her missing eye and face was pulsating along with her purr. It was an odd sight indeed but I knew my girl was still there. The nurses said how amazing she was that she had been giving them loves all day, I sat with her for an hour talking to her cuddling and patting her she watched with interest as another cat had its stitches removed and it howled and hissed and tried to claw at the nurses, Kazz tilted her head as if to say, “what’s the matter it’s not half as bad as me!”. I had to leave her again but I knew she was in good hands.
Kazz has been home with me for a couple of weeks now we have had our ups and downs and many trips back to the vets when things do not go so well, but the one thing that the vet said to me that has stuck with me was “she is definitely one in a million”. Him and the nurse had never seen a cat come in with such fighting spirit and joy and love and such a relaxed and laid back nature.
Each time we go back she walks herself to the car on her lead, jumps into the back window to look around at the world and happily walks into the vets with me. She happily walks past the waiting dogs without anything more then a sniff wanders around the surgery and either takes a seat on a waiting room chair or now more recently jumps onto the reception counter to say hello and give a purr and head rub to the receptionists. they love her and now if I am there for a few minutes or if I drop her off for the day she always has people remarking on how amazing she is. The vet is always happy to see her and has given a fair amount of her progress to her nature and spirit. Now vets will usually go on the facts they have when it comes to cancer and of course we know it is most likely a case of when not if it comes back, but every day we have her and she has her amazing nature and spirit is a day well spent in her company.
She spends every night in bed with me, is eating again with gusto and even with her lack of depth of vision lacking an eye she has managed to scale a six foot fence. This is what I call never giving up.
No amount of money could ever compare to her love.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to every single person whom has supported us during this time. Your support has meant the world to me and shown me the amazing effect of what a companion animal can have on others.
So this is like a grounding post. Where I am at right now and my basis from which to move forward from.
I feel stuck in the mud. I know everyone goes through this and me many times especially but doesn’t it feel like slogging through mud to get anywhere these days?
The last two weeks I have been in my new flat in Auckland with my son and my cat. I haven’t finished moving or unpacking my son has spent a week off school and my cats health since her surgery on her cancer has been fluctuating. the to-do list is a mile long and all you want to do is step out side for some fresh air.
It’s winter, it’s cold and bed looks amazing, pulling up self motivation from the depths of your warm cozy sleeping cocoon to step out into that crisp air and foot numbing floor is a overwhelming prospect. But yet every day we drag our selves out many head to work or school while I am at home wondering what exactly has happened.
Bleary eyed I attend to the child and cat whilst realising that the child who kept me up all night is yet again in no state to attend school. He is autistic, aspergers to be exact. High functioning autism, something I will touch upon many time I hope in this blog of mine. He is a truly amazing child, but we will get to that another time. For now he is not getting enough sleep to be able to cope and join in at school, this is the product of change for him. New house and he misses his uncle and as of yesterday “mummy you love kazz (the cat) more then me you cuddle her more then me”… Kazz the cat who had surgery on her cancer is being tube fed every 5 hours, yep that requires cuddles of some sort. At least I know I do this for love!
This flat is dated back in the 70’s or so, the water pressure sucks which means hot showers are out of the question unless I want a dribble…. We have a bath which is a plus but the shower head/mixer is up by the ceiling obviously installed by a giant which requires a trip to the edge of the bath, balancing on the edge with my tip toes of one foot to reach over and turn the shower on, how long until this death trap claims me? who knows, but the fear is certainly there! I love showers but I lose the motivation to have one each morning with that death defying feat in mind as I stumble up the stairs half awake…
You need motivation to move forward. It may sound like I am complaining but really I am not this is just mud.. Mud can be moved so can mountains eventually it just takes patience, Shawshank redemption anyone? We can all fight for happiness in some way. I won my fight wen I moved to Auckland. I am happy very very happy even with these things weighing me down. I made a big move to come here and it really did pay off. Now restarting life is all about figuring out which way you are going to push your way through the mud to find the dry dirt upon which you can stand.
I have been called strong a lot, I personally feel lazy, because for me not moving forward is not doing enough. I know I lack energy and will power right now. My diet sucks but I fight through each day just to complete even one small thing. One step at a time is a great way to keep life going when everything has fallen down, but when you’re trying to rebuild a new life it feels frustratingly slow! I can only look for causes to problems and address each one as I have the means to do so. So many things are always out of our control yet we waste so much time worrying about it. I put this stuff on (as my aunty calls it) the too hard shelf, way up in the back of my mind away from conscious thought. It is like waiting for paint to dry, you don’t actually sit there and watch it do you? No you bugger off and do something else for awhile, paint or prep another wall or go decorate another room in your house that is life.
What is strength really? are we strong when we give up and cry? Well yeah we can be. I think strength is not only powering through life no matter what but it is also the ability to pick yourself up once you have fallen to pieces, I think it is the ability to admit when you’re wrong and ask for help when you need it and to know that no matter how thick that mud is around you that you will keep trying to take another step. It always makes me think of those old grannys doing super cool things like sky diving and triathlons and marathons. They are old women but they know that eventually they will get there no matter how slow the going. This is also the same of many special needs people as well, but again that is another story.
So here I am 27, one child, too many pets in a flat in Auckland going “where the hell do I go now?” I can be lazy I can procrastinate I can be a bum, but yesterday never was, today always is and tomorrow never comes. The future is what I make it. I have goals. I am deep in the mud, but I am happy. This is what life is really about. Finding our path, one step at a time.
Well this is my first attempt at a blog! I think I have been annoying my friends and family on Facebook for long enough to bring my thoughts to a new forum! So bear with me while I get used to the format here.
I am a single mum with a 7yr old autistic son, I love animals and adventure and sports and people. I also have fibromyalgia, arthritis and heart problems and have been through a relatively tough life. I am also at university studying philosophy and sociology and I hope to one day work with special needs mainly autistic kids.
So my blog will cover anything and everything that I think about and encounter in my life. I hope to ask some thought provoking questions and controversy is never to far behind me. I do like to ask the tough stuff!
I am an honest person but I do ask for respect on my blog. Failure to be respectful will not end well….Grammar and spelling nazis and trolls also have no place here. So sit back relax and enjoy… :-)
Someone asked me what it’s like to be autistic, here’s the answer I gave…the world is loud, you notice everything but not the exact things people want you to notice.